Like waves that rush up the shore and retreat back to the sea, I am now bothered with the thought of whether I will let myself drift in the sea and find the sweetness of love ashore or just permanently there at the sea, alone, waiting for the rain to come by.
I will bring you dear Nicolo with me when I return to the city. I will wake you up from somber and finish your dirty surface back to its shining glory. Sorry if I abandoned you. You didn’t know how the years that passed lingered in my mind with you mesmerizing me, of your sorrowful music, of your nostalgic cries. You were there for all those days that I wept for bitterness. I am away when you want me to play your golden strings.
I will bring you back dear Nicolo. You will play both in my heart and mind.
You told me that I came first to your mind when you were planning on who will speak and grace your festivities. I was reluctant and told you that I could no longer indulge in real-time self-stories after I realized that my life was as good and bad like any else’s. But I gave in anyway for my distraught father’s pride.
Then I thought about speaking. I digress instantly. From where I am I tell you justice in this country is dug deep, six feet under and I am at a loss right now finding meaning in this vocation I had rather not chosen. Shall I say you stand guard? But definitely don’t take justice in your hands. Justice to each his own. Find it in the most peaceful and comforting ways and you will learn that this world is full of balance you have never known.
I don’t know if I am being narcissistic for thinking of this. I just felt the need that I really need to have to understand myself more for me to conquer my fears. There are things I couldn’t understand. For example, as a lawyer I should now be stronger. My character, fearless. But no. I am still the fragile person always thinking about how to take refuge from the stresses of work, from the pain that comes with this life. There is still so much to know about me. Can I still indulge on myself when the world needs to be taken cared of, when the universe needs to be discovered and explored? I am a nano-molecule in this universe. I am a nano-molecule trying to understand itself against a gazillion, ad infinitum.